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The INFJ might think, “Arguing about this will be disruptive and cause me stress, and I don’t want that,” and make a similar small sacrifice. But sometimes one or both partners won’t stay in Copilot mode.

This could be for several reasons: When this happens, the INTJ/INFJ couple will fall into their 10-year-old mental processes.

When I leave the apartment, for example, I make sure the key is in my hand before I get to the door; my INFJ waits till she’s there and then looks for it in her purse.

In the car, I give most of my attention to driving efficiently—for example, switching lanes ahead of time to go around someone who’s making a left turn.

If you have been in an INFJ/INTJ relationship, you can probably think of many examples of discussions where this happened.

They may have become heated—even though both people were “right” in some sense.

While an INFJ and INTJ’s personalities are similar, the minutiae of how we live our lives are almost completely different. And, for most of my life, I felt like it was very hard to find a partner who really “got” me.That changed when I started dating an INFJ—someone who is like me in so, so many ways, yet as different as the sun and the moon in others.INTJs, on the other hand, enjoy discussing the merits of the idea itself, in abstract terms, and treat the personal impact as a footnote.This can come off as deeply insulting, without the INTJ realizing why.

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