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Perhaps they are sincerely trying to assess the level of risk they might be taking. In my more hedonistic days — which admittedly were not exactly long ago in a galaxy far, far away — I was dumbstruck by the conversations I would have in gay public sex venues, even the most anonymous ones. ” would come the question by the gentleman who was fully prepared to engage in unsafe sex should my answer please him. ” I would then explain, spoken at times through a three-inch hole in the wall, that if this question was his sole criteria, then he really needed to leave this place and go directly to an HIV and STD testing center. Can we please remove this insulting, dangerous and unproductive question from our lexicon? You can simply offer your HIV status and see if your partner does the same. Anyone who questions whether or not HIV stigma is on the rise need look no further than online profiles and hookup sites, in which “Are you clean? Or perhaps you have suffered the indignity of someone asking you “The Stupid Question” while negotiating a tryst. Implying that I am somehow “dirty” because I am HIV positive may not be the intention of the person asking the question. Like it or not, it is an assessment of the sexual viability of someone, and by extension, their “worthiness” as a human being. You’re going to take the word of someone in a dark room that you couldn’t pick out of a lineup?And it was meant with all sincerity (as with all my videos, be my guest to re-post).Alas, it’s awfully tough to heap praise toward one side of the “viral divide” without offending the other, and the video was received with decidedly mixed reviews.If you really want to be heard and make a contribution to this dialogue, I strongly urge you to take a few minutes and answer The SERO Project’s new survey that gauges your attitudes about when and whether people should disclose their HIV status.Even (and perhaps especially) if your views run counter to mine, your input is most welcome and extremely valuable.” I appreciate its mission “…to lower the HIV infection rate by defeating the stigma that strengthens it.” If nothing else, it has instigated a dialogue by addressing some of the misconceptions and clumsy thinking that stigmatizes people with HIV.The environment we have created with questions like this one has implications beyond mere social awkwardness. Laws now on the books are being used against people with HIV who don’t disclose their status to sex partners – even when they engaged in safe sex, used a condom, and no transmission occurred.
While the intent may be harmless, is does do harm to people with HIV by increasing stigma and driving a further wedge between HIV positive and negative people.Finally, National HIV Testing Day is next week on June 27th.If you’re reading this after that day, please replace it with any date in the next month.If you're going to text him to hook up then you have to realize you're now opening the door for him to send you those 2 a.m. Unless you have the type of whatever-ship where you can simply say "hey come over and fuck me" I suggest you start small. " Or you can make it more personal "your snapstory was so funny omg." Or whatever topic you'd naturally and normally text him, do it.If this is your first time at the pool, you want to dip a toe before you dive in. The problem with text messages is that words can be misunderstood and misconstrued.
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And that is the alternative to The Stupid Question.